Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
