We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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