New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
