my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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