Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
