Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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