I am puke
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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