Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
