My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
