you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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