man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
