SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
