I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
