Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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