Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
