party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
how drunk are you?
Several
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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