I molested 6 butterflies tonight
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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