Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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