bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
