oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
