My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
