Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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