my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
