She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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