What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
