Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
