I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
