Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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