I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
