After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
