i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
