I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
