I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
