I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
