i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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