Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
