I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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