I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
