My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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