I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
