Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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