i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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