my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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