This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
