Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
