I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
