he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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