They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
