I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
