I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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